Wake up, babe. PGMOL audio just dropped.
On Tuesday evening, the referees' governing body released a two minute and nine second clip containing audio of conversations between referee Simon Hooper, VAR Darren England and assistant VAR Dan Cook during Luis Diaz‘s incorrect offside goal decision.
After Liverpool's controversy-riddled 2-1 defeat last Saturday the PGMOL acknowledged 'significant human error' had occurred in the failure to award Diaz's perfectly legitimate goal, while the Reds pushed to hear the audio to get an understanding of just what the hell actually happened.
Well, now we know for sure... Yes, there definitely was significant human error.
Referees' body PGMOL have released the full audio from the VAR hub relating to the Luis Diaz goal that was incorrectly disallowed in Spurs v Liverpool
The recording on the Premier League's website, which was preceded by its own Blair Witch-esque title card, instantly became a cultural moment for football fans online and many of the stills are already working their way into the pantheon of football twitter memes.
It's excruciating, it's infuriating and it's baffling... but if you don't laugh, you'll cry, right?
Here are the top five wildest moments from the audio – ranked.
5. Are you happy with that? (1:04)
Like the minor character in every disaster movie who spots the warning signs of impending doom before anyone else but is ultimately ignored by the complacent powers that be, the one person who comes out of the sorry affair with any credit is the unnamed 'replay operator'.
'Replay operator' is not a referee but still sees the mess long before anyone else, asking (multiple times) to the apparently unaware VAR team: "Are you happy with this?"
No, mate. No-one is.
4. Oh, for f*** sake (1:18)
The toe-curling moment it finally hits England in the face like a Dominik Szoboszlai pile-driver.
It takes a full 18 seconds from play restarting to this realisation that something isn't right.
3. Well done, boys. Good process (1:00)
Perhaps the most meme-able moment from the entire recording, the unsuspecting Hooper congratulates everyone on a job well done.
My money is on Andy Robertson, personally.
2. Can't do anything (1:33)
Replay operator – the hero that we need – tries to get the VAR officials to intervene once the error is realised, alerting England and Cook that VAR Hub Ops Oli Kohout has asked for a delay in order to correct the decision.
However, he his calls are rejected dismissively with a line from England that might as well be 'computer says no'.
1. Offside, goal, yeah (1:07)
And finally, the line that best sums up just how much of a s***-show this was.
The replay operator's seemingly simple question of 'are you happy with this?' as play restarts appears to break the brain of VAR assistant Cook, who responds initially with an unsure 'yeah' before going with: 'Offside, goal, yeah' like a robot that's been thrown in the bath.
Despite apparently operating on another dimension at this point, Cook still works it out quicker than England though, relaying 'that's wrong, Daz' to the main man in the VAR room.
Well done, everyone. Good process. Phenomenal process.